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27 Signs of Emotional Abuse in Marriage

You married your spouse, believing that “This is it. This is my Happily Ever After.” Your spouse was the sort of person who made your heart flutter, the sort of person you felt you could spend the rest of your life with.

But now, you’re not so sure. You feel like there’s something terribly, horribly wrong, and you can’t quite put a finger on it.

Here are the 27 Signs of Emotional Abuse in Marriage:

1. You don’t feel safe in your own house, because you’re afraid your spouse will hurt — or worse, kill — you.

2. You’re confused by your spouse’s behavior. One moment, they’re the happiest person in the world; the next, they want nothing more than to throw the nearest dangerous object at you.

3. You feel like a dog with a leash around your neck. You can’t do anything without your spouse’s express permission.

4. When you do something on your own, you always think “How would my spouse feel about this?” You rarely think about how you can be happy, because you’re always in “Put the Spouse First” mode.

5. Your hopes and dreams are belittled and spat on, to the point that you don’t feel them worth pursuing anymore.

6. You have strong passive-aggressive tendencies. Because you couldn’t take out your anger directly on your spouse, you learned to project your inner resentment on others.

7. You feel worthless. You often have thoughts like “I’m never good enough” or “I’m the worst human being who ever existed.”

8. You feel like your accomplishments, when you have them, are nothing to be proud of. You play them down as a result of “luck,” or “If it wasn’t for this incident or that person, I wouldn’t be able to do this!”

9. You feel like you have to put on a front to protect the appearance of a happy marriage. Otherwise, you feel ashamed of yourself, and on behalf of your spouse.

10. Your concept of right and wrong can be summed up as “My spouse is always right, and I’m always wrong.”

11. If you used to be a happy, cheerful person, you often look back and ask yourself: “What happened to me?” You’ve become cold, withdrawn and distant from the people who aren’t your spouse.

12. You’re on the receiving end of pitiful looks from others. People often tell you that you don’t look well, or that “Your eyes look different now.”

13. You want to tell someone about your situation so badly. But you also feel ashamed about your “weakness,” or that you dare say such terrible things about your spouse.

Read Related Post: Healing from the Effects of Emotional Abuse

14. You let your spouse walk all over you, regardless of your needs and wants. You do everything to please them, even if they won’t do the same thing for you in return.

15. Your spouse often tells you that you’re too “sensitive,” or that their demeaning remark against you is “just a joke.” As a result, you don’t trust your own memories and feelings, especially where your spouse is concerned.

16. You always clean up after your spouse’s messes, even if they should be the one to take responsibility for those messes.

17. Your heart beats fast, even when you’re at rest or you haven’t drank any sources of caffeine.

18. You feel disassociated from your own body, as if someone else occupied the space under your skin.

19. You often feel sad for no apparent reason. Sometimes, you don’t want to get out of bed, or if you do, you hardly feel like doing anything productive.

20. You may feel “happy” sometimes to cope with your negative feelings. But those happy feelings might also be a sign you’re in the mania phase of bipolar disorder.

21. You experience psychosomatic symptoms of stress, such as bodily aches, insomnia, weight gain/loss and lethargy. As a result, you often call in sick from work, and your performance has deteriorated considerably.

22. You don’t remember the last time someone cared about what you thought, how you felt or what you wanted.

23. You feel like an extension of your spouse, rather than a person in your own right. You exist to serve others, no matter how much of yourself you give up in the process.

24. You feel numb, empty and hollowed out inside. You think the world has already given up on you, so might as well give up on the world too, right?

25. You feel crazy, because no one else besides you seems to realize that your spouse is a monster in human clothing. Your spouse seems to act normal and kind in front of everyone except you.

26. You don’t just feel crazy anymore. You think you are crazy.

27. You have the strong urge to commit a violent crime. You’re currently researching ways on “how to kill someone without getting caught.”

Remember: Marriage is supposed to bring you happiness. It’s supposed to bind you to the person who will be your rock in times of turmoil, who will love you and care for you for the rest of your life. It’s not supposed to be a prison that condemns you to a life of misery and suffering.

If you can see even the tiniest sliver of light at the end of the tunnel, please go after it as fast and as soon as you can. Find a professional who specializes in marriages like yours, and contact them ASAP. The sooner you do something about your situation, the sooner you can be free of the psychological shackles that have bound you for so long.

Marla Rondo
 

Marla writes about relationship help topics. Marla lives in Bend, OR and enjoys hiking and reading.

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