Author Archives: Marla Rondo
Author Archives: Marla Rondo
Getting dumped by someone you love and see a future with is often devastating.
In most instances, men are good at hiding their emotions and will not bring up relationship issues first especially when he over it. Women on the other end are caught up in the bliss of the relationship that they may overlook the signs, which hurts them a lot when the relationship ends unexpectedly.
It is important to note that the breaks up signs are always and even if the guy does not utter it, you can see a change in their behavior.
There are so many signs he wants to break up, but I will explore the main four indicators that a breakup is likely to occur.
Once you see some of these red signals, it is up to you to decide whether you can address the issues in the relationship before it’s too late or you can let the relationship, before he does it to you.
When he becomes physically and emotionally unavailable
The first sign he wants to break up is that he shows distancing behavior. Physical distancing, for example, includes when he stops making time for you and all over sudden he wants to avoid doing the things couple do such as watching a television show or movie together. Continue reading
Dry spells happen to everyone and they are more than likely to lead to sexual frustration. However, physical contact actually differentiates humans from other animals. Whether it is a sympathetic hug or just a warm handshake, humans have developed a complex language through physical touch and intimacy. It is essential to preserve the occurrence of human touch in order for couples to thrive.
Greater trust is developed between individuals through touch. This kind of intimacy helps bond people together by activating the parts of the brain that are linked to feelings of reward and empathy. In fact, a simple touch is able to trigger the release of oxytocin, which is otherwise known as the “love hormone”. Human skin contains nerve receptors that can evoke emotional responses through the activation of erogenous zones, which makes human touch even more important in keeping an intimate relationship alive.
1. You are constantly looking through your phone to find someone to sext.
If you have to search for someone to sext, it’s likely not the best idea. You may very well be sexually frustrated if you are considering sending a dirty text to that guy who came over to paint your house last weekend. If no one is off limits for a sext, you are probably inching into frustration.
2. You want to hear every detail about your friend’s sex life.
Are you trying to live vicariously through your friends by asking for all of the dirty details of their most recent date? If you’re not getting any yourself, you may lean on others to hear about their experiences.
3. No one is off limits.
That guy in front of you in the grocery store? Perhaps the new guy at work? Everyone you come in contact with is a possible sexual partner.
4. Your internet history is x-rated.
Would you be embarrassed to show your browsing history to your grandma? You are probably sexually frustrated if your search engine starts to fill in your internet searches with dirty websites.
5. You start thinking about your ex.
He probably wasn’t that bad, right? Maybe he is still living in town and you all can meet up for coffee…or something. While the relationship may have seemed toxic in the past, you both have probably grown up a little.
6. You keep a vibrator by your bed.
Can you end the day without having a date with your vibrator? If you need to spend some alone time in bed before actually going to sleep every night, you are probably getting pretty frustrated.
7. You start to put a sexual twist on everything.
“That’s what she said” may be the most common words that you speak when your mind is in the gutter. If you relate every conversation you have somehow to sex, there is a good chance that you just can’t seem to get your mind off of it.
8. Your “nice” underwear is buried at the bottom of your drawer.
Why spend your time wearing uncomfortable underwear if there is no one there to see them? Your sexy underwear has now made its way to the bottom of your underwear drawer and never comes up for rotation. You have stuck to purely comfortable underwear for weeks now, and while this may be relieving in some ways, it is very frustrating in others.
9. You have sex dreams every night.
You may not even recognize your sexual partner in your dream, but that doesn’t matter. You may even feel relieved that you at least kind of get to experience having sex, even if it is in your wildest dreams.
10. You stopped shaving.
Why bother, right? You don’t feel the need to spend time in the morning shaving your legs if no one is going to be touching them. However, you may start to feel like a woolly mammoth if you keep it up for too long. If you have just simply neglected your nether regions, you are probably not feeling as sexy as you could be.
11. You can’t exactly pinpoint the last time you had sex.
Has it been an entire year already? You might not be sure. What was it even like? You don’t remember. If you have to stop and think about when your last sexual encounter was, you are probably ready to get some, like, yesterday.
12. You forget to take your birth control.
It doesn’t even really occur to you anymore to set your alarm and take your birth control pill at the exact same time every day. If you miss a few days, it is probably not a big deal. It is not like you will be getting pregnant anyway.
Dry spells can lead to a lot of frustration. These are just a few signs that you may need to get some before your frustration gets to an all-time high.
It can be really hard to rebuild trust in a relationship when you have been hurt by your partner. Trust is something that, once broken, can take a lot of time to rebuild. The most important thing to know is that with 100% commitment from BOTH parties, trust can come back and be strong. Knowing how to rebuild trust in a marriage of romantic relationship can be the hardest part of the entire process. You cannot be greedy or ask for things that are purely for personal gain. You also can’t expect your partner to know how to get the trust back in your relationship. The plan is something that you both must decide on and work on together.
Communication is Key
The first thing that you both need to understand so you can know how to rebuild trust in a relationship is communication. If you can’t talk to each other honestly and openly then there isn’t going to be much hope. The most important thing about rebuilding trust is being able to communicate.
If you and your partner are both willing to sit down and talk to each other, then you have a great starting point. Each of you should take the time to discuss how you are feeling about the situation that caused the breaking of trust. Each of you should also be willing to listen to how the other feels, whether you agree or disagree with them. Being able to let those feelings out will allow you to start to let go of the hurt that you have perhaps been bottling up.
After you have talked about your feelings, sit down and talk about how to rebuild trust between the two of you. Talk about expectations and what you both want the end result to be. Come up with a plan that will work for both of you. Don’t be afraid to voice what you want and need. At the same time, understand that your partner may not agree with some of those things. Be ready to talk about why they are important expectations for you. Continue reading
You married your spouse, believing that “This is it. This is my Happily Ever After.” Your spouse was the sort of person who made your heart flutter, the sort of person you felt you could spend the rest of your life with.
But now, you’re not so sure. You feel like there’s something terribly, horribly wrong, and you can’t quite put a finger on it.
1. You don’t feel safe in your own house, because you’re afraid your spouse will hurt — or worse, kill — you.
2. You’re confused by your spouse’s behavior. One moment, they’re the happiest person in the world; the next, they want nothing more than to throw the nearest dangerous object at you.
3. You feel like a dog with a leash around your neck. You can’t do anything without your spouse’s express permission.
4. When you do something on your own, you always think “How would my spouse feel about this?” You rarely think about how you can be happy, because you’re always in “Put the Spouse First” mode.
5. Your hopes and dreams are belittled and spat on, to the point that you don’t feel them worth pursuing anymore.
6. You have strong passive-aggressive tendencies. Because you couldn’t take out your anger directly on your spouse, you learned to project your inner resentment on others.
7. You feel worthless. You often have thoughts like “I’m never good enough” or “I’m the worst human being who ever existed.”
8. You feel like your accomplishments, when you have them, are nothing to be proud of. You play them down as a result of “luck,” or “If it wasn’t for this incident or that person, I wouldn’t be able to do this!”
9. You feel like you have to put on a front to protect the appearance of a happy marriage. Otherwise, you feel ashamed of yourself, and on behalf of your spouse.
10. Your concept of right and wrong can be summed up as “My spouse is always right, and I’m always wrong.” Continue reading
You are truly, madly, deeply in love with your wife. You’ll do anything for her, short of giving her the moon and the stars. You’ve burned for her ever since you met, and you still have that same hot feeling in your chest whenever you look at her.
But does she feel the same way about you? Unfortunately, as with most things in life, marriage isn’t always a bed of roses. And you may think you know what she’s up to when she’s away.
She seems more distant.
You didn’t do anything wrong recently. And yet, when you try to talk to or touch your wife, she acts as though she doesn’t want to be anywhere near you. When you ask her what’s wrong, she says she’s fine even though her actions say otherwise.
She seems to be hiding something from you.
Normally, you’d be open to each other about everything. But now, every time you do so much as touch her laptop, she snatches it away and snaps at you to “Mind your own business!” It’s like there’s something on her laptop she doesn’t want you to see.
She’s out with her “girl friends” more than usual.
If it’s a choice between a cozy evening with you, and a rowdy night out with her “girl friends,” she chooses the latter. You find this odd, because she’s always been accommodating to you before. And why is it that her “girls’ night out” is now every Friday to Sunday, instead of every Sunday only? Something’s not right.
She smells of another man’s cologne.
This is one obvious sign. Unless she’s buying cologne for you and testing it on herself (which is highly unlikely), it’s possible she spends a lot of her time in the arms of another man.
She has changed or adopted new habits.
Your wife was never into cigarettes or alcohol before. So why is she taking up these vices now? One possible reason is that someone — a lover, perhaps — influenced her into smoking and drinking. Continue reading
It’s painful to think that your husband may actually hate you. After all, his is the first face you see in the morning, and the last before you go to sleep. When he seems to think badly of you every single day, it can be an uncomfortable experience, to say the least.
But does he really hate you? Or is he stressed out at work, or feeling inadequate about something?
He ignores you.
Every time your husband comes home, he walks past you without even saying “Hi.” If you try to talk to him, he can only spare you a grunt or snort. Granted, there are things that even spouses shouldn’t share with each other, but for him to do that to you every single time? That’s not fair.
Also, he seems to be making more and more decisions without your input lately. Whether it’s because he thinks you’ll contradict/upset him, or he thinks you don’t have anything valuable to say at all, that’s not a good sign. Continue reading
Your lover is perfect in every way. They shower you with gifts. They flatter you with compliments. And they wait on you hand and foot. It’s almost like a fairy tale, isn’t it?
But, even in fairy tales, nothing is what it seems. The beautiful queen is a witch. The frog is a prince. And the ugly old beggar is a fairy in disguise.
It’s the same thing with love.
Sometimes, gestures that seem to be out of kindness and compassion are, in fact, elaborate schemes to trap you in a web of lies and deceit. That’s how narcissists operate: They’re “kind” to their victims only for as long as it serves them. Once they get what they want from you, and they no longer see any benefit from keeping you around, that’s their cue to say Adios.
As a potential narcissist’s lover, how do you know what’s real and what’s not? How do you know if your lover is genuinely kind and loving, or is just pretending to be?
Your relationship is moving too fast.
As far as your lover is concerned, it’s not just love at first sight. It has to be love at the first second. The moment you exchange numbers, your inbox gets flooded with 100 messages from your lover alone!
From a certain point of view, that may seem romantic. That may also be a sign that your lover is too inexperienced or socially inept to express affection like most people do. But when it comes to something where your heart is at stake, it’s better to err on the side of caution, and assume that your lover may have less-than-pure motives for escalating things too quickly.
You never hear anything negative from them at all.
Now, that’s not to say you should only accept criticism. Of course everyone should receive compliments on a regular basis! But if your lover can’t be honest with you about the not-so-pleasant aspects of your relationship, you have to wonder what else they’re not being honest about.
For example, let’s say you had to miss a date because of overtime work. If your lover truly cares about you, they’ll tell you afterwards: “I don’t mind you working overtime, but could you at least text me about it in the future?” Aside from showing good communication skills, this also suggests that your lover cares about both your needs.
On the other hand, a narcissist would say “Oh, it’s okay, you can work as late as you want!” and then give you the cold shoulder afterwards. They tell you what you want to hear, not because they care about your feelings, but because they’d rather not deal with conflict.
Your lover wants you to focus on them — and them alone.
It’s natural for your lover to want to feel special. After all, what you feel for your lover should be different from what you feel for your friends and family. But if your lover wants to be your only special someone, rather than just a special someone, be careful: You might be dealing with a narcissist.
For example, a good lover would say: “Oh, we can’t have our date on Friday night because you’re out with friends? I understand. Can we move our date to Saturday or Sunday instead?” A narcissist, on the other hand, would complain: “Why do you have to go out with friends? You have me, don’t you? Am I not enough for you?” If your lover is really serious about you, they’ll understand that, as special as they are to you, you also need to maintain a life outside your relationship.
Your lover paints an unrealistic picture of your relationship.
They tell you things like “From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the only one for me.” That sounds great — if you’re a character in a romance film.
In reality, even “perfect” relationships have their ups and downs. You and your lover will fight, kiss, make up, and fight again. The measure of your relationship is not what your lover says during the good times, but how they act during the bad times. If your lover sticks with you through thick and thin, and does their best to support you every step of the way, that’s when they’ve earned the right to say they’re the “one” for you.
Relationships are complex beasts. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell where you stand in them until it’s too late. But if you watch out for the signs of love bombing, and you keep your eyes open, your gut sharp, and your head on your shoulders, it’s not likely you’ll get heartbroken as easily or hopefully not at all.
Dealing with emotional abuse is never easy. When you’re wounded on the inside, rather than the outside, it’s hard to convince people you have a legitimate issue. So you’re forced to handle your issue alone, and feel hopeless, trapped and defeated.
Fortunately, not all hope is lost. You can still get back up and stay up, even if you’ve been knocked down so many times before. You can still be the amazing, happy person you’ve always dreamed of being, even if your abuser has convinced you otherwise. Best of all, you can start healing with the steps below.
Let Yourself Grieve
Grief is a natural, human response to loss. You’ve lost a lot — your self-esteem, identity, drive to succeed, among others. So it’s only fair that you allow yourself to go through the five stages of grief.
Bear in mind that accepting your situation is not the same as “being okay” with it. Being okay suggests that you’re willing to leave things as they are, while acceptance means you know things can be better, and that you have the power to make things better.
Be Willing to Draw Lines, and Stick to Them
As long as someone feels they can get away with abusive behavior towards you, they will push your buttons again and again — unless you set boundaries.
Let your abuser know which behaviors you’re willing to tolerate, and not tolerate, from them. For example, if they tend to make a big deal out of every tiny mistake you make, say: “Yes, I know I’ve done something wrong, and I’m about to fix it. Now can you please stop nagging me about the fact?”
If they decide to trample on your boundaries regardless, find ways to minimize contact with or avoid them altogether. You have better things to do than get involved in drama, and life is too short to let toxic people drag you down. Continue reading
Bullying doesn’t just happen on the playground. When you’re subjected to repeated instances of hurtful behavior over time, that’s bullying. If those hurtful behaviors don’t leave any physical marks on you, but leave you feeling undermined nonetheless, that’s also bullying — albeit the emotional type.
Unlike playground bullies, emotional bullies are more likely to get away with their behavior. That’s because it’s more socially acceptable to hurl controlling barbs at a person than to punch that person in the face.
Still, the effect is the same. The victim not only becomes afraid of the bully, but also feels guilty for having been bullied in the first place. The victim is left wondering why someone would bully them if they didn’t do anything to that person.
One word: Power. Although everyone wants power to a certain extent, bullies feel that the only way they can be powerful is to make someone else feel powerless by comparison. As the bully’s victim, you will always be worse off, unless you take some steps to break the bully’s power over you.
Recognize Bullying for What It Is
Every time someone bullies you, remember this: No one deserves to be bullied. You are a wonderful person in your own right, and if the bully refuses to acknowledge that, it’s their loss, not yours.
So stop making excuses for the bully. Stop rationalizing their behavior. Whatever the reason for their bullying, the fact remains that they chose to hurt you, and that is not acceptable.
In a healthy relationship, there’s a give and take dynamic. When one does a favor, the other is supposed to reciprocate. When one is in trouble, the other is supposed to help. And when one does something out of line, the other is supposed to reel them back in.
In a controlling relationship, the dynamics are heavily skewed in favor of one person. That person abuses their privileges to the detriment of the other, resulting in emotional and psychological consequences for the latter. Often, the latter isn’t aware they’re in a controlling relationship, until the signs show up.
1. You can’t go out of the house, touch your bank account or meet friends and family without your partner’s say-so.
2. Your partner always points out the negative qualities of the people you hang out with (“Why is Alice always late for your night outs?”), and makes themselves look good by comparison (“I would never let you wait for 10 minutes, dear.).
3. When you do something wrong, your partner is quick to point it out. When you do something right, your partner stays silent, or makes it look as though it’s no big deal (“Anyone with a functioning brain can win that award!”). Continue reading