How to Rebuild Trust In A Relationship When You’ve Been Hurt

It can be really hard to rebuild trust in a relationship when you have been hurt by your partner. Trust is something that, once broken, can take a lot of time to rebuild. The most important thing to know is that with 100% commitment from BOTH parties, trust can come back and be strong. Knowing how to rebuild trust in a marriage of romantic relationship can be the hardest part of the entire process. You cannot be greedy or ask for things that are purely for personal gain. You also can’t expect your partner to know how to get the trust back in your relationship. The plan is something that you both must decide on and work on together.

Here are the keys on how to rebuilt trust with your partner:

Communication is Key

The first thing that you both need to understand so you can know how to rebuild trust in a relationship is communication. If you can’t talk to each other honestly and openly then there isn’t going to be much hope. The most important thing about rebuilding trust is being able to communicate.

If you and your partner are both willing to sit down and talk to each other, then you have a great starting point. Each of you should take the time to discuss how you are feeling about the situation that caused the breaking of trust. Each of you should also be willing to listen to how the other feels, whether you agree or disagree with them. Being able to let those feelings out will allow you to start to let go of the hurt that you have perhaps been bottling up.

After you have talked about your feelings, sit down and talk about how to rebuild trust between the two of you. Talk about expectations and what you both want the end result to be. Come up with a plan that will work for both of you. Don’t be afraid to voice what you want and need. At the same time, understand that your partner may not agree with some of those things. Be ready to talk about why they are important expectations for you. Continue reading

27 Signs of Emotional Abuse in Marriage

You married your spouse, believing that “This is it. This is my Happily Ever After.” Your spouse was the sort of person who made your heart flutter, the sort of person you felt you could spend the rest of your life with.

But now, you’re not so sure. You feel like there’s something terribly, horribly wrong, and you can’t quite put a finger on it.

Here are the 27 Signs of Emotional Abuse in Marriage:

1. You don’t feel safe in your own house, because you’re afraid your spouse will hurt — or worse, kill — you.

2. You’re confused by your spouse’s behavior. One moment, they’re the happiest person in the world; the next, they want nothing more than to throw the nearest dangerous object at you.

3. You feel like a dog with a leash around your neck. You can’t do anything without your spouse’s express permission.

4. When you do something on your own, you always think “How would my spouse feel about this?” You rarely think about how you can be happy, because you’re always in “Put the Spouse First” mode.

5. Your hopes and dreams are belittled and spat on, to the point that you don’t feel them worth pursuing anymore.

6. You have strong passive-aggressive tendencies. Because you couldn’t take out your anger directly on your spouse, you learned to project your inner resentment on others.

7. You feel worthless. You often have thoughts like “I’m never good enough” or “I’m the worst human being who ever existed.”

8. You feel like your accomplishments, when you have them, are nothing to be proud of. You play them down as a result of “luck,” or “If it wasn’t for this incident or that person, I wouldn’t be able to do this!”

9. You feel like you have to put on a front to protect the appearance of a happy marriage. Otherwise, you feel ashamed of yourself, and on behalf of your spouse.

10. Your concept of right and wrong can be summed up as “My spouse is always right, and I’m always wrong.” Continue reading

11 Signs of a Cheating Wife

You are truly, madly, deeply in love with your wife. You’ll do anything for her, short of giving her the moon and the stars. You’ve burned for her ever since you met, and you still have that same hot feeling in your chest whenever you look at her.

But does she feel the same way about you? Unfortunately, as with most things in life, marriage isn’t always a bed of roses. And you may think you know what she’s up to when she’s away.

Chances are she’s already given her heart to someone else if you see these 11 signs of a cheating wife.

She seems more distant.

You didn’t do anything wrong recently. And yet, when you try to talk to or touch your wife, she acts as though she doesn’t want to be anywhere near you. When you ask her what’s wrong, she says she’s fine even though her actions say otherwise.

She seems to be hiding something from you.

Normally, you’d be open to each other about everything. But now, every time you do so much as touch her laptop, she snatches it away and snaps at you to “Mind your own business!” It’s like there’s something on her laptop she doesn’t want you to see.

She’s out with her “girl friends” more than usual.

If it’s a choice between a cozy evening with you, and a rowdy night out with her “girl friends,” she chooses the latter. You find this odd, because she’s always been accommodating to you before. And why is it that her “girls’ night out” is now every Friday to Sunday, instead of every Sunday only? Something’s not right.

She smells of another man’s cologne.

This is one obvious sign. Unless she’s buying cologne for you and testing it on herself (which is highly unlikely), it’s possible she spends a lot of her time in the arms of another man.

She has changed or adopted new habits.

Your wife was never into cigarettes or alcohol before. So why is she taking up these vices now? One possible reason is that someone — a lover, perhaps — influenced her into smoking and drinking. Continue reading

Do You Think Your Husband Hates You?

It’s painful to think that your husband may actually hate you. After all, his is the first face you see in the morning, and the last before you go to sleep. When he seems to think badly of you every single day, it can be an uncomfortable experience, to say the least.

But does he really hate you? Or is he stressed out at work, or feeling inadequate about something?

If your husband shows the following signs, it’s possible your husband hates you or at least doesn’t love you very much anymore.

He ignores you.

Every time your husband comes home, he walks past you without even saying “Hi.” If you try to talk to him, he can only spare you a grunt or snort. Granted, there are things that even spouses shouldn’t share with each other, but for him to do that to you every single time? That’s not fair.

Also, he seems to be making more and more decisions without your input lately. Whether it’s because he thinks you’ll contradict/upset him, or he thinks you don’t have anything valuable to say at all, that’s not a good sign. Continue reading

Are You Being Manipulated By Love Bombing?

Your lover is perfect in every way. They shower you with gifts. They flatter you with compliments. And they wait on you hand and foot. It’s almost like a fairy tale, isn’t it?

But, even in fairy tales, nothing is what it seems. The beautiful queen is a witch. The frog is a prince. And the ugly old beggar is a fairy in disguise.

It’s the same thing with love.

Sometimes, gestures that seem to be out of kindness and compassion are, in fact, elaborate schemes to trap you in a web of lies and deceit. That’s how narcissists operate: They’re “kind” to their victims only for as long as it serves them. Once they get what they want from you, and they no longer see any benefit from keeping you around, that’s their cue to say Adios.

As a potential narcissist’s lover, how do you know what’s real and what’s not? How do you know if your lover is genuinely kind and loving, or is just pretending to be?

Here are a few red flags to look out for when it comes to love bombing.

Your relationship is moving too fast.

As far as your lover is concerned, it’s not just love at first sight. It has to be love at the first second. The moment you exchange numbers, your inbox gets flooded with 100 messages from your lover alone!

From a certain point of view, that may seem romantic. That may also be a sign that your lover is too inexperienced or socially inept to express affection like most people do. But when it comes to something where your heart is at stake, it’s better to err on the side of caution, and assume that your lover may have less-than-pure motives for escalating things too quickly.

You never hear anything negative from them at all.

Now, that’s not to say you should only accept criticism. Of course everyone should receive compliments on a regular basis! But if your lover can’t be honest with you about the not-so-pleasant aspects of your relationship, you have to wonder what else they’re not being honest about.

For example, let’s say you had to miss a date because of overtime work. If your lover truly cares about you, they’ll tell you afterwards: “I don’t mind you working overtime, but could you at least text me about it in the future?” Aside from showing good communication skills, this also suggests that your lover cares about both your needs.

On the other hand, a narcissist would say “Oh, it’s okay, you can work as late as you want!” and then give you the cold shoulder afterwards. They tell you what you want to hear, not because they care about your feelings, but because they’d rather not deal with conflict.

Your lover wants you to focus on them — and them alone.

It’s natural for your lover to want to feel special. After all, what you feel for your lover should be different from what you feel for your friends and family. But if your lover wants to be your only special someone, rather than just a special someone, be careful: You might be dealing with a narcissist.

For example, a good lover would say: “Oh, we can’t have our date on Friday night because you’re out with friends? I understand. Can we move our date to Saturday or Sunday instead?” A narcissist, on the other hand, would complain: “Why do you have to go out with friends? You have me, don’t you? Am I not enough for you?” If your lover is really serious about you, they’ll understand that, as special as they are to you, you also need to maintain a life outside your relationship.

Your lover paints an unrealistic picture of your relationship.

They tell you things like “From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the only one for me.” That sounds great — if you’re a character in a romance film.

In reality, even “perfect” relationships have their ups and downs. You and your lover will fight, kiss, make up, and fight again. The measure of your relationship is not what your lover says during the good times, but how they act during the bad times. If your lover sticks with you through thick and thin, and does their best to support you every step of the way, that’s when they’ve earned the right to say they’re the “one” for you.

Relationships are complex beasts. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell where you stand in them until it’s too late. But if you watch out for the signs of love bombing, and you keep your eyes open, your gut sharp, and your head on your shoulders, it’s not likely you’ll get heartbroken as easily or hopefully not at all.

Healing From the Effects of Emotional Abuse

Dealing with emotional abuse is never easy. When you’re wounded on the inside, rather than the outside, it’s hard to convince people you have a legitimate issue. So you’re forced to handle your issue alone, and feel hopeless, trapped and defeated.

Fortunately, not all hope is lost. You can still get back up and stay up, even if you’ve been knocked down so many times before. You can still be the amazing, happy person you’ve always dreamed of being, even if your abuser has convinced you otherwise. Best of all, you can start healing with the steps below.

Here are some steps to use to being healing from the effects of emotional abuse.

Let Yourself Grieve

Grief is a natural, human response to loss. You’ve lost a lot — your self-esteem, identity, drive to succeed, among others. So it’s only fair that you allow yourself to go through the five stages of grief.

  • You refuse to acknowledge that you’ve been emotionally abused. (“What? Are you seriously telling me I’ve been sick all this time?”)
  • You lash out at anyone who suggests that you’ve been emotionally abused. (“How dare you tell me that you know my thoughts and feelings better than I do!”)
  • You convince yourself that you can still change your abuser. (“Maybe if I worked 8 hours instead of 12, my spouse will stop berating me.”)
  • You finally grasp the extent to which you’ve been emotionally abused, and have mostly negative feelings about it. (“What am I going to do? Things aren’t looking up for me.”)
  • You accept that you’ve been emotionally abused, and you’re ready to take steps to heal.

Bear in mind that accepting your situation is not the same as “being okay” with it. Being okay suggests that you’re willing to leave things as they are, while acceptance means you know things can be better, and that you have the power to make things better.

Be Willing to Draw Lines, and Stick to Them

 As long as someone feels they can get away with abusive behavior towards you, they will push your buttons again and again — unless you set boundaries.

Let your abuser know which behaviors you’re willing to tolerate, and not tolerate, from them. For example, if they tend to make a big deal out of every tiny mistake you make, say: “Yes, I know I’ve done something wrong, and I’m about to fix it. Now can you please stop nagging me about the fact?”

If they decide to trample on your boundaries regardless, find ways to minimize contact with or avoid them altogether. You have better things to do than get involved in drama, and life is too short to let toxic people drag you down. Continue reading

How To Stand Up to Emotional Bullying

Bullying doesn’t just happen on the playground. When you’re subjected to repeated instances of hurtful behavior over time, that’s bullying. If those hurtful behaviors don’t leave any physical marks on you, but leave you feeling undermined nonetheless, that’s also bullying — albeit the emotional type.

Unlike playground bullies, emotional bullies are more likely to get away with their behavior. That’s because it’s more socially acceptable to hurl controlling barbs at a person than to punch that person in the face.

Still, the effect is the same. The victim not only becomes afraid of the bully, but also feels guilty for having been bullied in the first place. The victim is left wondering why someone would bully them if they didn’t do anything to that person.

One word: Power. Although everyone wants power to a certain extent, bullies feel that the only way they can be powerful is to make someone else feel powerless by comparison. As the bully’s victim, you will always be worse off, unless you take some steps to break the bully’s power over you.

Here are some tips on How to Stand Up to Emotional Bullying

Recognize Bullying for What It Is 

Every time someone bullies you, remember this: No one deserves to be bullied. You are a wonderful person in your own right, and if the bully refuses to acknowledge that, it’s their loss, not yours.

So stop making excuses for the bully. Stop rationalizing their behavior. Whatever the reason for their bullying, the fact remains that they chose to hurt you, and that is not acceptable.

Continue reading

31 Signs of a Controlling Relationship

In a healthy relationship, there’s a give and take dynamic. When one does a favor, the other is supposed to reciprocate. When one is in trouble, the other is supposed to help. And when one does something out of line, the other is supposed to reel them back in.

In a controlling relationship, the dynamics are heavily skewed in favor of one person. That person abuses their privileges to the detriment of the other, resulting in emotional and psychological consequences for the latter. Often, the latter isn’t aware they’re in a controlling relationship, until the signs show up.

Read below to discover the 31 Signs of a Controlling Relationship

1. You can’t go out of the house, touch your bank account or meet friends and family without your partner’s say-so.

2. Your partner always points out the negative qualities of the people you hang out with (“Why is Alice always late for your night outs?”), and makes themselves look good by comparison (“I would never let you wait for 10 minutes, dear.).

3. When you do something wrong, your partner is quick to point it out. When you do something right, your partner stays silent, or makes it look as though it’s no big deal (“Anyone with a functioning brain can win that award!”). Continue reading

What Is Verbal Abuse in Marriage?

You haven’t felt good about your marriage in a long time. You know, or suspect, that your spouse is verbally abusive, and a part of you wants out STAT.

But the other part of you is afraid. What if your spouse gets angry at your decision to leave, and decides to make things worse for you or your loved ones? 

What if there’s a chance your spouse will revert to the loving, kind person they used to be, and you regret leaving them behind? 

What if everything you’ve been through is all in your head, and you just need to sit it out until the storm blows over? 

Know this: Regardless of the reason, no one deserves to be abused, verbally or emotionally. It’s one thing to anger people every now and then. It’s another for them to take it out on you on a regular basis for no apparent reason — other than they can. 

So what is verbal abuse in marriage? Here are some of the signs you should watch out for:

  • You get shouted at on a regular basis. 
  • You don’t feel free to talk about certain things with your spouse, because they either blow up at you, or shoot you down with invalidating remarks and backhanded insults. 
  • You’re consistently on the receiving end of derogatory comments about your gender/religion/social status/etc. When you call them out on those comments, they respond with, “It’s just a joke!” or “Geez, you’re so sensitive about these things.”
  • You’re blamed for all their problems, even the ones they bring down on themselves, and expect you to take 100 percent responsibility for those problems. 
  • You’re given the silent treatment. There’s a “Cold War” in the house more often than not. 
  • You never hear from them when you do something good. But when you make the tiniest mistake, they can talk all day about what a pathetic wretch you are. 
  • You feel guilty when you’re out with people who are not your spouse, because you feel like you’re neglecting them somehow.
  • You always feel like they need to have the last word. 
  • When you threaten to leave them, they apologize over and over, only to go back to their old ways once they “earn” your forgiveness. 
  • You’re beginning to question your sanity and intelligence, because they somehow manage to make you look and feel like the “villain” all the time. 

Even after reading those signs and symptoms of verbal abuse, you may still be reluctant to do anything. Maybe there’s a perfectly rational explanation for your spouse’s behavior. Maybe your spouse didn’t get the love they needed when they were children, so it’s up to you to fill up that hole in their heart. Maybe, just maybe, they’re also trying their hardest to make your marriage work, but can’t express themselves properly. Continue reading

11 Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend

Finally, this is it! You have met the man of your dreams. 

The two of you are joined at the hip, and he is constantly guiding you in every move that you make. You can’t help but believe he’s madly in love with you. 

After all, he calls you throughout the day and wants to keep you all to himself every chance he gets. Isn’t he sweet? 

His attentiveness seems to show he’s basking in the newness of your relationship. However, there’s a side to this scenario that suggests your boyfriend is already starting to control you, and maybe you’re not fully aware of it. 

An emotionally-manipulative boyfriend often uses subtle tactics, making the unsuspecting woman think that he is acting in her best interest, when in fact, he always wants to have his final say in the relationship. 

It’s difficult to discern if this overly-attentive guy is being manipulative or if he just cares about you a lot. If you find it hard to tell the difference between the two, there are major telltale signs to see if your guy is micromanaging you.

Here are 11 signs of a controlling boyfriend you need to be aware of:

1-He wants your world to revolve around him and only him.

An understanding partner will appreciate that you have a life of your own and will be happy that you are able to nurture your friendships with other people. 

However, a manipulative man will subtly try to convince you to avoid your friends or stop you from talking to your siblings. He might also persuade you to cut back on your work, as it impacts your time together. 

Why this is bad: Aside from feeling jealous of your attention and time, he also wants you to cut ties with your network of friends and your support system, so that eventually he will be the only person you can depend on Continue reading